Eirene is Jed Chun's personal blog, hosted by Joy Is Found. It's a reflective blog that he started with the intention of finding joy and renewing his awe of God in his everyday life as well as the places and things that are around him. He explores a variety of topics in relation to faith such as food, mental health, travel and relationships.
Incheon International Airport. Camera: Canon 6D Lens: Sigma 35mm 1.4 ART
Justification through faith, not works, I know it well
Even with that reassurance, Lord, I can tell
My current state of mind is drifting far away from you
What do I do, what do I do, I wanna be renewed!
It’s so hard to let go of this guilt, I know that
The battle’s already won by your son, I know that
You empathize with my every pain but still
WHY DOES THIS HEART REMAIN UNCHANGED?
And Lord, it’s hard to stand here with my arms open
‘Cause I feel that my spirit will remain broken
But Lord, even in this drought give me strength
To hold on tight to this faith and to your grace
I just want to feel your love like I used to…Sam Ock (Touch - AMP Movement)
I realize that it’s been a while since I’ve last posted anything and I think that these lyrics basically sum up the majority of 2017 for me. I know it’s a little late to be writing a reflection about the last year, but, since I’ve spent most of the last year ducking, hiding, and trying to avoid God, there’s a lot that’s happened and very little that’s been processed. I can come up with a million excuses of why I haven’t gotten around to reflecting and looking for ways to change the trajectory that I was on, but what’s been done is done and I’m aware that the simple truth is that I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to face my shortcomings and moral failures, I didn’t want to let go of the resentment and bitterness that I was experiencing, but mostly I had just let a bunch of useless things distract me from dealing with the fundamental war between my spirit and my flesh.
“A half committed Christian is the most miserable person on earth. He is just enough in the world to be miserable in the presence of God, and he's just enough into God to be miserable in the world." -Charles Spurgeon
You know that feeling you get once in a while when someone says something and you feel a slight twinge of discomfort and then suddenly you feel like those words smashed a hole through the stone wall of the castle you’ve been isolating yourself in? Well, if you haven’t then hopefully that description is enough for you to imagine what that might be like and, if you’re Christian, you probably recognize it as one of those Holy Spirit blowing the trumpet in your face kind of moments. In any case, I’m finally giving words the emotions that I’ve been feeling for months, words which happen to fall in the unrest-lack of peace-constant discomfort-frustrated-defeated ballpark.
That being said, the time has come for me to clean up the mess of 2017. No more running.