Post by: Jono Lin
We’ve all been in a position where we don’t really feel like saying yes or no to a proposition. Whether it’s an invite to a major event, a planned get-together, or a spontaneous meet up, we’re hesitant. Multiple factors such as time, place, and our personal schedules influence our decision. But deep down? We already know our answer. We however, have a fear of giving a definitive response. We mark ‘Going’ on a facebook event just in case we eventually feeling like going. Or, we might glance at an invite and choose not to respond publicly because, “what if x ends up not going?” or “what if y happens instead?” Why is it so difficult for us to follow through with what we say? Last minute schedule changes are commonplace, but when early event confirmations turn into repeated denials, it will likely be difficult to maintain rapport with acquaintances, friends, and family.
Maybe it’s a millennial issue, but given the amount of time we spend on our phones, we should be all-stars at communicating and planning our schedules. The same should be said about our ability to respond to others. We’re now a society that keeps our eyes fixed constantly on our devices. Rarely do we ever walk out the door without our smartphones, which are always connected either to WiFi or mobile data. We have convenient access that is only an arm’s length away. Doesn’t this mean we also have the capability and means to respond to dozens of people at a time? We have all heard or used the excuse, “I’m bad at responding to people.” But chances are, what we really mean by that phrase is, “I’m bad at responding to certain people.” Our boss, significant other, best friends, all have higher priority when it comes to how we devote our time. We all have people to whom we likely respond to immediately respond and others who we don’t require such urgency.
The question that we really should be asking ourselves though, is why we’re unable to be honest with each other when responding to others. We post statuses, pictures, and comments on social media, saying how much we miss someone, and yet when it comes time to actually meet or reach out, there’s radio silence. We leave text messages sitting in our phones unanswered for days at a time and choose to respond only when “we have time.” We have time to communicate with one group of people while we’re “too busy” to communicate with another. Such a lack of intentionality in communication often leads to unraveling of relationships. And if we get to a point where we can’t even maintain our well-established relationships, how are we supposed to look out for one another as we’re called to in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Proverbs 27:17-19, and Galatians 6:2? Part of the reason it becomes difficult for one party to accept the lack of responsivity from another is because the parties no longer place the same value on the relationship. And whether it was something was said by one party that deeply wounded the other or just mutual drifting from a lack of openness and intentionality, this change is constant. But regardless of what may have transpired or what may have become of what was once an amazingly close, devoted, and intentional relationship, a truth to be remembered and reminded of is that reliable and transparent relationships are guaranteed to be appreciated.
Though the aforementioned is not without its own caveats. We value and cherish honest communication and intentionality, but personal privacy is also something to respect. Person A may not want to share intimate details of their life with Person B for good reason, and that is okay. This blog is not condoning forceful and intrusive questioning of another person. I am simply saying that regardless of whether you’re in a platonic or romantic relationship, reasonable and honest responses to questions will always be more constructive towards building, strengthening, and maintaining these relationships. But what if one party is uncomfortable sharing about something? Sharing about the things that make us uncomfortable, even if it’s just a little bit at a time, helps us overcome our problems. We all feel great after venting to a friend. By sharing, you’re allowing your someone else to help you bear and overcome that burden, just as we’re called to do in Galatians 6:2. So although complete and utter disclosure of the details pertaining to these burdensome matters isn’t necessary for intimacy in a relationship, I would say that being forthcoming and retaining privacy are not mutually exclusive, but rather, a process.
The ultimate example of such a friend is Jesus Christ, who, wholly and completely devoted to our well-being, went to the cross for us, out of His love. We’re commanded to love one another as Christ loved us (John 13:34), yet how are we to love one another if we can't even be honest with each other in our day-to-day interactions? If we can’t love and commit to each other’s well-being, how can we call ourselves followers of Christ? Sure, being unable to wholeheartedly devote ourselves to every single person we come across in our lives in completely understandable. However, we all have those friendships that could be strengthened. And that’s where our own personal effort comes into play. If we’re to let a relationship to the point where one party clearly sees it’s no longer where it once was, shouldn’t we at the very least be honest and courteous to explain as to why? Especially when we’re confronted about it? Or will we just let both parties’ passivity be the method by which we say goodbye?
Everyone is busy. Some more than others. However, everyone’s time is cherished and valued. Continually being late, flaking on friends and family, giving silly excuses which were nowhere near the truth, and silently expressing lack of interest in RSVP’d events is not only discourteous, it’s downright disrespectful. Over time, this is how people grow distant. A good friend of mine reminded me that relationships are a two way street. If we were more honest with ourselves and others there wouldn’t be any fear of commitment. Let us seek to emulate the character of Christ in our interactions!
Jono Lin's mission in life is to share that there's a God who has not stopped loving people, even before their conception at birth! He has served in churches in various capacities with wide variety of ethnicities, and desires to bring biblical truth to contemporary culture. He believes that a strong witness and genuine relationships are absolutely essential in order to really love others. He believes that there is more to life than meets the eye and desires that all people come to know Jesus Christ.