Post by: Jed Chun
In a previous post, I wrote about how we ought to consider how we can be more genuine in our relationships with other people, but what about with God? Have you ever taken the time to wonder if there are instances where you’ve faked your relationship with God? To be completely honest, this was what was burdening my heart the most when I was writing about faking things, but I hope that you will be able to see the link between this post and the last (aka why it’s important to be genuine with one another). There have definitely been times in my life where I’ve had to fake my relationship with God in order to be “active” and “contributing” at church, and even to fit in amongst my friends. It’s not like I jumped ship and abandoned my faith, but there have been periods in my life where my relationship with God was, more or less, non-existent.
I personally experienced this this during the last few months of 2016 (which is one of the reasons why I haven’t written a blog post in a while). For whatever reason, I was just not connecting with God. Nothing seemed to make me want God more, nothing made me excited about church, worship, or fellowship. I wasn’t praying or reading or doing much of anything really. The number of web browser tabs of articles that I had opened and marked “planning-on-reading-later” was steadily growing and I just couldn’t get myself to get around to reading them. I tried to avoid helping out with spiritual things at church, and tried to relegate myself to service tasks such as preparing food and chaperoning instead of teaching, vision casting, and planning. However, when you’re in a position where you have responsibilities, there are expectations for you to fulfil some of these spiritual duties and, eventually, you have to do them. So what did I do? Faked it, obviously.
If you’ve spent any amount of time in church or college ministries, especially in leadership roles, you’ll probably understand what I’m talking about. Even if you aren’t in these positions, you get used to the way people talk and the way things are done that you can get around the questions of “how has your relationship with God been going” and “have you been learning anything from your Bible reading lately” or “what has God been teaching you lately?” Over time you learn the “right” words to say so that people won’t bother you about them and you have enough exposure to fake your way through it.
Maybe you, like me, think to yourself “just because my relationship with God is on the fritz doesn’t mean that I want to concern or hinder the faith of the people around me”. Perhaps, for me anyway, it’s an Asian thing - when an individual is struggling with their faith or anything else, it’s generally frowned upon to trouble the collective. Perhaps for you it’s a pride thing, where you don’t want people to think less of you or you feel like you have some kind of image to uphold – I know that’s the case for me sometimes as well. Or maybe there are people that you don’t want to let down, maybe you don’t want to be a disappointment.
Whatever the reason though, I can assure you that, no matter how well you can fake it, no amount of church-going, not-really-meaning-it-praying, fellowship-attending, half-hearted-worship-song-singing, or hanging out with Christian friends is going to fool you or God. The reality is it’s going to get tiring, you’re going to want to give up (I know many people who have), and your heart will be as unsettled as ever. But the good news is that God’s grace is sufficient. If you’re struggling right now, you’re probably thinking “I KNOW that, but what does that mean?” or “People KEEP telling me that but I DON’T FEEL IT” or “If he’s sufficient where the heck is He?”
Although I might not have a complete or good enough answer for you, I can tell you what it meant for me. It means that God has given you everything that you need to make your way back to him and find peace with him. It means that God has given you the mental acuity to understand what it is that is holding you back from him. It means there are people around you who are willing to support you, pray for you, and even cry with you to help you find your way. It means that there’s a 66 book love letter in which God has laid out for you detailing just how much he means to you – from creation, to His sacrifice on the cross, to the resurrection. It means that the Holy Spirit is constantly tugging at your heart to bring you back into the arms of the Father. It means that you have a testimony, a personal experience, with God that brought you to Him the once before, or even many times before. It means that there is the blessed assurance of your salvation.
Ultimately, it means that whether you feel him or not, He is there, waiting for you to come home like the prodigal son (Luke 15:11–32).
Whatever it is that is holding you back or that you’re holding against God, someone has experienced before. Like I said earlier, you are not alone in your struggle. Even if there isn’t anyone else, God has been with you every step of the way, even when you’ve pushed him aside. Whether you feel like you don’t have time for God, whether it is shame or guilt related to some kind of sin or moral failure, whether you’re frustrated, bitter, or angry with God, no matter what it is, He wants to hear it from you and He wants to be reconciled with you.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 NIV)
And he says
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28 NIV)
Jed Chun is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern and is actively involved at a Chinese American church in the San Gabriel Valley. He is passionate about bringing the concepts of healthy family development and relationships into the context of Asian immigrant and Asian American communities. He hopes that through his words, his experiences in his faith, and his journey with God can be an encouragement to others to love God and love one another.